If you know me at all, you know that my heart belongs in Colorado. Sometimes I've wrestled internally with the thought that perhaps Colorado has become an idol to me. Maybe I long for it too much and put too much hope in the happiness that I think I will find there. Sometimes when I go for trail runs I daydream that someday I'll be running the trails in the Indian Peaks Wilderness at sunrise, my muscles and lungs accustomed to the Colorado air. But I've prayed about my desires and God has reminded me why my heart is so attached to Colorado.
I've heard many speakers address how Americans have become too touchy-feely in their relationships with God and that we need to return to a good foundation of knowledge about the qualities of God. As a high school student, I needed exactly the opposite. My father has instilled in me a good head-knowledge of who God is, but I always desired an emotional connection with my Creator. When I went to Colorado the summer after my Freshman year of college, I had no idea that God was preparing me for a major transition. Backpacking in the mountains that summer, I was consumed with awe for my Creator. Who am I that he would design such a beautiful world that I would be free to roam and wander in it? I finally connected with Him on the emotional level that I had always craved.
He also transformed me in a tangible and concrete way and took away a "thorn of my flesh" (referencing the thorn that Paul pleaded for God to take away from him). In high school I had become totally consumed with my body image. I soon came to an unhealthy point and embarrassingly struggled with times where I would starve myself and times where I would secretly binge on food. Even into my Freshman year of college this obsession consumed me. When I went backpacking for the first time, God miraculously healed me. I realized on that trip that I needed to eat food to be able to hike the next day. My mind was transformed from viewing food as a necessary evil to nourishment. Additionally, I had no access to mirrors and had only two outfits in my backpack. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, I felt free living this simplified life.
Returning from Colorado, I felt like an entirely different person and I felt frustrated with my inability to verbalize this transition to the people close to me. You read about Jesus preforming miraculous healings in the New Testament but those were always evidenced by some physical change. My mind had been healed by God in the mountains and that healing was sudden and complete.
Remembering this story helps me to realize that the reason why I yearn for Colorado is because that is the place I feel most connected to my Lord. But I'm not in Colorado right now, I'm in Pittsburgh. As Cory and I prepared to move to Pittsburgh, my heart and mind wrestled with God. Why would he place such a distinct yearning in my heart only to lead me somewhere else? When we got here, it took a little while for the reason to become clear.
A year ago, Cory and I applied to work for the CCO. Though we were accepted as CCO staff, the placement process proved to be difficult. Neither of us had received placements when we moved here in September. Later that month we volunteered to help lead a backpacking trip with two other staff. They affirmed that we would be good fits for their team, which was encouraging, but we needed real and concrete positions. Less than two weeks after the trip a position opened up for me that was perfect. As the Equipment Room Manager, I get to use my knowledge about gear needs for backcountry adventures to benefit the ministry. Little did I know that my team had been praying for me to come along for about 3 years! In addition to managing our equipment needs, I get to take college students on backpacking trips so that they, too, can experience the transformation that I went through in the outdoors. The uncanny thing is the CCO's motto is "Transforming college students to transform the world."
I'm not in Colorado, but I'm in the right place.
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